When two people fall in love they usually feel blissful for a while and as if everything is perfect and nothing will ever stand between them. At the beginning of the relationship, the love energy is strong and it helps them to see things through, even when life is challenging. This is because when we fall in love, our habitual patterns are interrupted and we have a much higher capacity for sacrifice, forgiveness, gratitude and appreciation. These higher states of being and functioning can be seen as a ‘free gift’ from the Universe to give us a glimpse into a higher reality of life and into what we are capable of.
However, nothing is free in the Universe. The Universe wants ‘stuff’ from us! What does it want? It wants us to generate more light in exchange for the light that it had shown us when we first fell in love. It wants us to transform our darkness into light, our fears into love…. But for many of us, it’s a hard work and we refuse to do it. As time goes buy, we tend to revert to the old habits and find a million excuses for not changing our behavioural and emotional patterns and are ready to blame another for the loss of love and passion in our relationship.
This is an old story. Let’s write a new one… Let’s not lose sight of love in our life.
Attention is love. Giving attention to another human being is work. Love is work. To keep your heart open and be vulnerable every day is not easy. But once we get better at it, our world will be a better place to live in.
Keep your focus on the good in another. Don’t accumulate negativity in your mind and heart. Keep your negative talk and emotional reactivity “in check”: jealousy, anger, hatred, sarcasm, fear, judgement, self-deprecation, pity, bitching. It happens easily and we are often late to notice this harmful process. Check the balance of ‘negative’ and ‘positive’ regularly. Keep it on the bright side! And, by the way, this is not the same as “sweeping things under the carpet”…
Foster a state of forgiveness, appreciation and gratitude. If you see that good things have been done to you or are happening around you – don’t take it for granted, mention it, say “thank you”. Do not withhold kindness!
Your behaviour has to be aligned with your intentions. Don’t play games, don’t send mixed messages, and don’t “push-pull” in order to receive something. Don’t withhold intimacy. Don’t fake pleasure.
If you suffer, don’t react with psychological games. Don’t ‘hide’ by distancing yourself and withdrawing your affection. If your partner is hurting you, say it – say “how” and “why”. Your beloved is not a mind reader. Say: “I am hurt” instead of: “You are bad”. People who love you want you to be happy and will do their best to change things.
Learn to forgive, even when it seems impossible. We hurt those we love sometimes. In most cases, it happens unintentionally. We all have bad emotional and behavioural habits. These are not easy to change or get rid of quickly. Forgive.
And in any situation, ‘integrity’ is the word to remember.