The energetic rules of engagement

When you feel that your man is “energetically moving out” of the relationship – in other words, when he often seems distracted, shows interest in other women, tells you that he needs more space, not informing you about his plans with other people, keeps you wondering, is not texting/calling for longer than usual, being emotionally distant, starts proposing things that are outside of your comfort zone, chooses not to share things that, as he explains, “might upset you”, or anything else that your intuitions picks us as a signal that “something is not right” – those are the times that are usually very difficult for us, women. 

There is a number of unhelpful behaviours that many of us start exhibiting at these challenging times, such as: we start nagging, complaining, arguing, blaming, shaming, informing repeatedly that we are not happy, warning that we are going to leave, checking their phones for cues of what’s going on, getting depressed and self-deprecating for not being “good enough”, etc. No matter how “natural” or “choice-less” those tactics or behaviours may feel to us, the hard truth is that they just don’t work, and can only move you towards more hurt and, eventually, a breakup.

There are no “easier” alternatives to the above approaches. However, there are a few that are much more effective and likely to bring you a feeling of greater balance and peace. These other approaches are based on our awareness of the energetic rules of engagement between a man and a woman. One of the most important ones is the premise that a woman cannot influence her man to evoke the desirable reaction or behaviour by manipulating any of the ‘external structures’ and she can rarely bring about any real or lasting change in her man’s attitude directly. The only way that works and can bring her what she wants – which is to be ‘filled’ with loving attention and genuine support – is if she starts taking better care of her ‘interior structure’ – namely, her energetic capacity for holding love and the frequency of her emotional vibrations. Both have nothing to do with the relationship itself, or with any ongoing communication between two people, which is, at the time of crisis, mainly orchestrated by the ego – our “wounded child” or the “harsh critic”.

As hard as it sounds, when something goes “off course” in your relationship, try to make an effort and re-direct your attention from your partner, facts and circumstances of your “story” to yourself. Take care of your own Light, because your Light – in other words, your spirit energy, your ‘life-forward’ force – is what attracted your man to you on the first place.