What I have noticed is that many people who struggle with their relationship life believe that they cannot be easily helped. Many think that it is not even possible. They believe that there is something pretty uniquely wrong with them and it would take very hard work and a long time to “sort them out”. They often feel powerless and hopeless with regards to their own ability to help themselves. They keep talking about how bad they feel about their emotional reactions or behavioural choices, and think they need a therapist or a coach to help them overcome their “blocks”. They might even go and spend significant amounts of time and money paying for therapy, coaching, healing, etc. hoping to change their life. `During this process, they are likely to get a better understanding of how their personal history impacted their current difficulties or access some painful feelings they were not aware of before (which is a totally worthwhile thing to do). At the end, however, they may still seem unable to make significant changes in the way they show up in their life and relationships… Maybe you have met people like that, too.
What I have learnt from on my own journey is that a good understanding of the causes of our emotional or behavioural difficulties is not enough to become free of them. What I know is that inner transformation happens pretty much in a moment, and after that instantaneous shift of perception, life is never the same again. I witnessed this time and again in my own life and in the life of people I know. Another thing that I noticed is that such transformation in itself cannot be willed into existence by our effortful wish for it. And although a transformation, in my opinion, is an act of Grace, it is always preceded by our conscious non-negotiable DECISION to let go of the old pattern (a behaviour or an emotion), our relentless unwillingness to live our life the “old way” and having a state of clarity about what we want to call forth instead. It is the moment when we truly and deeply feel “fed up” with our ways of being and when stepping into the abyss of the unknown feels more promising than accepting things as they have been for years. This is the moment of 100% commitment. And, it doesn’t matter if we are aware of it or not, it is the moment when our true Mind opens up for Miracles and when our deep Heart opens up for Love. And, after that moment, Miracles and Love rush in…
What I am trying to say is that the power to change always remains with us. By all means, it is good to get all the support we can to arrive to this DECISION because without it our life is likely to stay at a subpar level of fulfilment. But, I personally believe that no wizard in the world can transform our life or heal us unless we make a non-negotiable, uncompromising, unwavering DECISION to let go of “what we are in this moment” and are ready to let go of our “life as we know it” – and this DECISION, more often than not, happens when we are alone in the room .
The moment of DECISION is a scary one indeed because, on an existential level, it always feels as if we are accepting our death. But, this exact feeling of an existential threat is a sure sign that helps us recognise our very own “doorway to heaven”.
So, if you have a “block” in your life, which feels “unmovable”, my message is:
Stop beating around the bush. Stop going to therapies pretending you are “dealing with it’, but not truly choosing to let go. You intuitively know where your “doorway” is and you know you have been avoiding it at all costs. You know that it is the place in you which feels the scariest to be in. But half measures are not going to work and this is your only life. Be kind to your future. Make your DECISION now.