The art of asking

I will open with a statement. Praying to God and asking for something we need, helps. (Here, when I say “God” I mean “some intelligent force that is higher than us and which is inside or/and outside of us”). But to get a prayer ‘right’ is not that easy. The main reason why it’s difficult is because, in order to create a prayer that can be heard, we have to let go of our desire to control things.

I remember a number of years ago, I was praying to God for help. I felt desperate and could not find the way to work things out by myself. I experienced enormous emotional pain from a particular situation in my love relationship: people in that situation didn’t behave in a way, which, I thought, would bring a resolution, a relief, and in a way that would make me feel important. So, I prayed to God for the situation to change, for the people involved to change – for their own good, for their own sense of integrity! But it didn’t help… And then, at some point, I lost any hope. I stopped believing that something can ever change. I just stayed with the pain and I asked God: “Please take my pain away…” And later the same day the pain was gone! I felt free, ‘clean’ and expansive inside. A week later, the situation that was troubling me transformed into the way I wanted it to be…

So, my lesson here was that: if you want answers or help from the higher forces, be completely honest with yourself. Get to the real, as I call it, the ‘first degree’ problem you are having, and submit it to God. Ask for yourself, not for others. God has no objection for you asking things for yourself. God wants you to be happy. Don’t ask “Please, remove this person or a situation from my sight, so I could feel better”. Instead, say: “I am suffering. Please, help me to change my reaction to the situation I am in / to people I am involved with”. See what happens!

Our relentless wish for control is often the cause for our deepest suffering. When your romantic relationship turns to be a pain sometimes, let it go, step out of it for a while. Don’t try to control things. Don’t try to manipulate people into how you want them to be or behave. Don’t ask God to change the circumstances, so you could be happy. Your feelings and reactions are the only things you have the right to control.

For most of my life, I had difficulty accepting the following words:

“If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they are yours: if they don’t they never were” (Richard Bach).

I always had very contradictive feelings inside about this “letting go” thing. I felt ‘in my blood’ that there was a truth in those words. But I also believed that if you love someone, you ‘fight’ for them and you let them know they matter. So, I didn’t know how to marry these two truths. Later on, an understanding came: you don’t have to let go of your love for someone, instead you let go of what your ego wants. And when you do let go of your ego, the person you love will feel very free of you, even when standing very near.

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